Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Hey look! An update! hahha. Found this quite interesting in a forum (I DIDNT WRITE THIS.) and decided to post before it disappears:
recently, i've gone from never having gone out on a single date with a girl before to going out with multiple pretty girls within a week. truth is, i've never REALLY been interested in going out with girls during my schooling days, as i was too busy mugging. there were some girls whom i was attracted to (probably just to their looks, with the benefit of hindsight now), but that was the end of it. i was the stereotypical boy-next-door whom everyone tried to pair up with another girl, but then i hardly paid all of these much heed.i had my A levels to prepare for, and my computer games, guy friends and sports to occupy me.
during the first few months in BMT in 2007 i was almost together with this girl who was my schoolmate, and incidentally also stayed in the same neighbourhood as myself (although we only found this out much later on). our relationship could probably be described as at the stage where the guy likes the girl, and the girl likes the guy but they are not officially together,to quote one of the female friends i was out with recently (although she was referring to another friend of her own) . the thing was that she was leaving for the US for her studies some time in October 2007, and thus i was kind of reluctant to go out with her, despite the fact that she asked me out many times during that period. then, i didnt see the point of starting a relationship as i felt that long distance relationships were impractical and couldnt last. to top it off, i didnt really know what i wanted anyway. we were stuck at the "talking on the phone phase", since we didnt meet up once i entered NS.
this dragged on for for a few months until she ignored me for a few weeks, before calling me to give me the "it wont work out anyway because we are not fated nonsense".
back then i had ZERO experience with girls. i was indecisive, insecure with myself (in the sense that i didnt realise how eligible i actually was/could be), basically the sort of guy who could never be successful with girls.
during those few months when we had something going on i thought she was cute, maybe special, even. i thought i really liked her. recently i was talking to her online on MSN and she mentioned she was attached, and i didnt feel sad or anything which means that she wasnt that special after all. LOL. i guess that sort of put everything into perspective for me.
one such conclusion that arose out of that was that i realised that you could never really tell whether you liked a girl (apart from being physically attracted to her looks) until you have gone out with her a few more times in order to find out what she is really like. further developments in my thinking with regard to this matter were built upon this first experience.
despite this, my scout friends have always thought i was super popular around girls (buaya, if you like), this misconception arising probably somewhere around my sec 2 year in RI and continuing on all the way into JC.
disclaimer:
i am not a player who goes around breaking the heart of girls by leading them on, and then dumping them. what i do believe in is that there's perfectly nothing wrong with being good with girls, going out with many different girls every week etc. you have a good time, they have a good time so its a win-win! (though im not looking for sex, i dont believe in pre-marital sex) i stand by the notion that at our age (20), the chances of finding your ideal soulmate are slim, if not zero. even my encik in army who is 45 this year tells us exactly the same thing: go out with as many girls as you can at your age, dont just settle down with one, because at our age we are immature - we dont really know what we are looking for in a soulmate anyway.
rather, i agree with him that if you are on friendly terms with a number of eligible girls, when you have matured yourself (say around 35) and decide it is time to settle down, then are you able to pick and choose your most ideal partner from amongst these girl.
below i've summed up into three of the most basic rules to follow if you are a guy and are looking how to be better with girls. all these i based on my own personal experiences ie TRIED AND TESTED.
rule number 1:
NEVER tell a girl you like her.
anything close to revealing your "true feelings" about how you like the girl, gestures like writing poety for her, treating her too nicely when she doesnt deserve it; all this is counter-productive if you actually like the girl.
for one, it relinquishes all control to the girl. it scares her off. you lose your coolness aura. the list goes on and on. even now, after being able to date so many pretty girls regularly, i admit there are still times when i find myself being drawn towards one particular girl, only to find myself unknowingly giving of clear indicators of interest (IOI) to the girl,driving her away as a result. its only then when i realise i dont really like her that much anymore, and move on to the next girl. lol.
rule number 2:
there is NO such thing as a special girl.
theres a term for people afflicted with this syndrome where they think that a particular girl is special, its called "oneitis". the definition of oneitis is as below, provided by urban dictionary:
Often confused with love, this is the feeling that a particular woman is actually special. This is just an illusion; she is the same as the other three or so billion. “Go **** ten other women” is the most commonly prescribed treatment for this “disease” (hence the “itis”), as it tends to show quite quickly how very alike people are.
In other words, get over yourself and your obsession with that girl, because it’s just an illusion. And when you get rejected, don’t be depressed. Because there’s really not much to worry about.
from a logical point of view, it makes perfect sense. assuming there are 100000 million girls in the world (just to quote a figure), what makes you think that you have found that one special girl, when you are probably going to meet less than 0.0001 percent of the total number of the female population in your lifetime? going out with multiple pretty girls will quickly help you realise this, and also ensure that you dont waste too much time thinking about any one particular girl.
rule number 3:
YOU are the prize, not the girl.
i cant stress the importance of this enough. everything else naturally falls into place once this concept has been well-drilled into your head. you become confident around her, one of the most important traits that girls look out for in guys. you make her work for you, not the other way round. she feels happy to be around you. girls want to know that the guy they are with is a prize catch that other girls envy, and not just some loser who would do anything to please her. being successful with other girls also contributes to this.
Quoted off Sapphy - Hwz-edmw.
- 6/04/2008 05:35:00 PM;
